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ORCHARD PARK, NY – Week one of the NFL was filled with the unexpected, but perhaps the top story of the week was former league MVP Tom Brady suffering a season ending blow from Chief’s safety Bernard Pollard to his left knee.
The Patriots were led to a 17-10 victory by garbage-time all star Matt Cassel who has not started a game since high school. This has led many in Pats nation to question their previously unquestionable dominance in the AFC (the “F” is for Farve) East.
Some of Brady’s teammates suspect foul play. “That hit looked dirty.” Said a laughably uninformed Randy Moss who was rethinking his large pay cut to play with a high-school quarterback.
“So Pollard gets tripped while trying to make a play is awkwardly pushed into Brady and people say that’s a clean hit?” Said village idiot and Dirty Players Association president Vince Wilfork, “I dive between two linemen at knee level and deliberately stick my elbow out at an opposing QB, or deliberately poke someone in the eye or … and I get labeled dirty? What’s up with that?”
Players all around the league have shown support for the mediocre-supermodel dating signal caller.
“You hate to see an injury like that to a player of that caliber.” Said Brett “better to be lucky than good” Farve of the New York Jets when asked about Brady, “It unfortunately forces people to talk a little less about me.”
“I cut my chin, wanna see?” Said a jubilant Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys. “I hope it scars.”
A list of quarterbacks invited to work out with the Pats has been released to the media Monday morning, among them, free agent Chris Simms.
“You thought my dad was a Patriots homer before?” Said Simms on a conference call Monday morning, “He’s going to be shameless.”
Perhaps the most interesting person on that list is Buffalo Bills punter Brian Moorman. Moorman was the only player in the NFL this week to have a perfect passer rating.
Pats coach and advocate for “Losing coaches right to blow off the post game congratulations” Bill Belichick said he was always impressed with Moorman saying, “I was always impressed with Moorman.
“His excellent punting skills always helped our offensive numbers by adding even more to our already impressive total yards for the day.”
Moorman has, however, declined the invitation saying that there are too many stars on that team and he would be underappreciated.
While Moorman is unquestionably the best football player ever, he has found a home in Western New York. He believes in his team and the coaches.
“Any team that can run a wishbone formation in the NFL and still win a game has got to be good” Commented Mooman about the offensive scheme Sunday. “Seriously.”
Stay tuned to the Buffalo Bills Review for more on this developing story.